HARRY POTTER FANS: The Daily Prophet Rapid News Column!!?

16 April THE DAILY PROPHET RAPID NEWS COLUMN





Lyra Belacqua reported that Gandalf killed a Mockingbird yesterday twilight near the forest of Dean. While Gandalf tries to prove his innocence by naming it to be a ‘complex mystical reason’, The Ministry has called upon renowned muggle specialist Robert Langdon for further investigation on the subject.


When asked by the daily Prophet reporter Rita Skeeter, all the elderly wizard had to say was, “You shall not pass…….the blame on me!”


While here, Death Eater Bellatrix Lestrange Crucio-ed Isabella Swan for stealing her nickname. And Sirius Black has stupefied Jacob Black for copying his surname. When asked, Sirius demanded to send Jacob to Arkham Asylum in Gotham city. But then, Albus Dumbledore reminded him that he was not Commissioner Gordon at the instant.


Reports say that Bella and Jacob were soon sent to the Azkaban until further inquiry.


There at Gotham, which is now supposed to be The Dark Lord’s latest hideout, The Dark Knight misunderstood him for The Joker because of his white skin and red eyes, and had him scarred with a batarang. Since then, Christopher Nolan seems unsure for his next Batman film.


After imprisonment of Jacob and Bella, the author Ms. Selena Mason (?) demands justice and asks for substitutes. Albus Dumbledore simplified the situation by offering her to choose any two of them as replacements for Jacob and Bella, to which Ms. Serena happily agreed.


First, she selected Rubeus Hagrid for Bella’s role, but then, realizing that Bella’s lip-gloss wouldn’t suit Hagrid, she selected Shrek the ogre. But she soon rejected him too, saying Bella’s costly green stockings wouldn’t be visible on his legs.


Finally, Ms. Mayor picked up Peter Pettigrew for the role, and asked Pantalaimon to convert into a raccoon and play Jacob’s part.


-Rita Skeeter


●▬▬▬▬▬๑۩۩๑▬▬▬▬▬▬●


ADVERTISEMENT


Madam Malkin’s Robe Shop


Best Robes and Gowns in the country


From Merlin to Gandalf


From Fudge to Shacklebolt


We serve the best robes…


Shop No.3268, Diagon Alley


Note: We DO NOT stitch ANY robes for the Cullens, So, Edward don’t come here again!


●▬▬▬▬▬๑۩۩๑▬▬▬▬▬▬●


The Daily Prophet’s today’s Poll~


 Aslan’s mane or Dumbledore’s beard


 Sir Leigh Teabing’s false leg or Alastor Moody’s


 Edward’s canine or Fenrir’s





●▬▬▬▬▬๑۩۩๑▬▬▬▬▬▬●





Please star the question if you liked it, comment and answer the poll.|||Dumbledore's Beard


Alastor Moody's


Edwards Canine, only because he wasn't evil he loved Bella. Fenrir is absolutely evil he sits next to children so that he will be able to bite them, and he also turned Lupin into a werewolf so he could never be forgiven for that.





Please comment on the article too :)


I LOVED IT! I love all of these that you write I just can't wait until you come out with another one it just brightens up my day and gives me something to look forward to other then the insane twilight freaks, I like twilight somewhat but not as much as Harry Potter.








Good Job!!!|||Ok. I hate the bashing Bella and Edward parts.


But.


I hate Jacob Black. And I love Sirius Black. And Sirius Black doing that to him just made me.....





Glow





LOL





ROFLMAO Jacob got what he deserves!





-stars and goes to show this to my other Jacob Black-hating friend-|||SIMPLY AMAZING!


It was really witty and I liked it how you made connections between the different characters!





Poll:


%26gt;Dumbledore's beard. Nice and long.


%26gt;Alastor Moody's false leg


%26gt;Fenrir's|||That was pure brilliance :)





Poll:


Dumbledore's beard


Alastor Moody’s false leg


Fenrir's Canine|||YAY!! Something fun and Twilight bashing





POLL:


Beard. I don't want a hairy back


Alastor Moody's EYE. I don't want his leg, just his eye


Fenrir. Screw Edward, stupid ******|||i love it! "bella's lip gloss wouldn't suit hagrid" (=


- aslan's mane


- moody's leg


- fenrir|||Merlin's beard


Alastor Moody's stump


Fenrir.





You forgot that Bartimaeus ate Kreacher for being impudent.|||Yay! That was awesome!





POLL:


Dumbledore's beard


Alastor Moody's


I hate that stupid little b*tch Edward.|||That is a good mix of characters form a number of different novels, and some good ads as well.|||LOL!





Brilliant article!! LMAO





Poll-


Aslan's mane, someone has to select it =D


Alastor Moody's


Of course Fenrir's





LOL gr8 question star for you!!|||Really cool dude but batman scraching me is not funny and he is lucky he's still alive with his jumping and flipping i missed when i shot a avada kadavra curse at him|||very funny article. best one from you yet!


Dumbledore’s beard


Alastor Moody’s false leg


Fenrir’s canine|||This is a masterpiece!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





I still think Shrek is the perfect Bella, LOL.





Poll:


Dumbledore's Beard


Moody's


Fenrir's|||ahaha this made me lol :D





Poll:


Dumbledore's beard


Alastor Moody's Eye


Fenrir|||Well..I don't like the bashing Bella, Edward, and Stephenie Meyer, but I hate Jacob. Lmao he got what he deserves!! Go Sirius!!





*stars*|||Marvelously written!! star to you!!





dumby's beard


moody's


fenrir's|||dumbledores beard


alastors false leg...the real alastor...the old one was a cruel as teabing


fenrir's- if i chose edwards, i might have to buy sunglusses





nice article|||awesome :D





and for the poll:


dumbledore's beard


moody's


fenrir's








:)|||ahh well done on being creative! and four of the best books ever!! I love Pantalaimon!


Aslan's mane


False leg


Edwards canine





:D|||So funny! Loved it!


A bit confusing with all the different characters, but great!|||Hahaha...that article made me LOL again....Great stuff!!





poll


Dumbledore's beard


Leigh teabing's haha


Fenrir's|||Haha!


Awesome job =D|||Haah that's brilliant ... well done, mate ... haaah haaah ...|||Beard


Moody


Fenrir's





Good Job!!!! But I think Ritas losing her touch|||haha lol this is great :)|||Sounds like they had a pretty interesting day! But are they sure that Pettigrew has the right eye color?





Poll





1. Hmm. Two fantastic characters. But I have to go with Dumbley's beard.





2. Moody's. I highly disliked Teabing.





3. As Edward is not evil and does not (willingly) eat little children, I have to go with Edward.|||lmao .... that was sooo cute! ♥





●▬▬▬▬▬๑۩۩๑▬▬▬▬▬▬●


The Daily Prophet’s today’s Poll~


 Dumbledore’s beard


 Alastor Moody’s


 Edward’s canine





●▬▬▬▬▬๑۩۩๑▬▬▬▬▬▬●





nice jobb!!!!!!!!!!!





Star!





--iHeartu ♥|||LOL HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!





that good!!





Aslan’s mane


Alastor Moody’s leg


Edwards canine just because of what greyback did to Moony and thats not cool dude








Death Eater Bellatrix Lestrange Crucio-ed Isabella Swan for stealing her nickname. And Sirius Black has stupefied Jacob Black for copying his surname.





LOL LOVE IT!!!!|||This has 4 books/characters which I love!


But why did the Ministry call a muggle symbologist for a wizard's thing?


The part about Edward, Bella and Jacob getting cropped up rocked to the core! Serius and Bellatrix really were heated up on the issue. Although I think Edward, Bella and Jacob would have hated the St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries.


Probably, Bella's lip gloss had been stained with Edward's blood.


I think SM could have selected Winky as Jacob and the donkey in the Shrek movies as Edward and Bella could be Cho Chang with freckles and pimples on her forehead saying 'Most Ugly' (instead of 'sneak' or something like that.)


The ad about Madame Malkin's Robe shop is very innovative.


The poll-


Aslan's mane is much more majestic than Dumbledore's long beard tucked away in his belt.


Teabing is just a double crossing two faced IDIOT. Mad-eye Moody's leg, or rather, eye is much much more preferable.


Fenrir's canine at least does not stink as Edward's does. Moreover, Edward would just have good looking teeth which stink like Shrek's house.|||ok???? whats the question???